tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75661122024-03-23T11:28:04.220-07:00Bah Goes The Sheep"I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone."
-JavanJeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.comBlogger304125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-6261813366750023582009-06-18T18:03:00.000-07:002009-06-18T18:13:42.881-07:00ugh evil evil weather!!!I am pretty sure I can blame my feverish- throbbing- achy body on the bitch that is mother nature!!<br /><br />Not only is Cincinnati one of the most humid places in the summer... its also fickle... yesterday 60 and rainy... today 90 and humid... tomorrow 30 and snowing...<br /><br />This is making me feel fine one day and horrible the next :(<br /><br />ps I miss him.Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-25816426748073112152009-06-15T17:56:00.000-07:002009-06-15T18:30:26.353-07:00Oh.Em.Gee!!!So I moved out on my own!!! And honestly I LOVE IT!!! True I am scared that I won't be able to pay my bills but I think I am pretty spoiled. I mean I have a nice laptop with Free Wireless internet, a brand new plasma flat screen TV and DVD player, and an apartment that has all utilities included, including free cable!<br /><br />My job seems to be going well. I need to just not speak my thoughts so openly. I am trying to work on that but its hard after being able to say whatever you want for 4 years and everyone understand you.<br /><br />So... ya wanna know about the beau... thats all you really care about isn't it.... well... HE IS AMAZING!!! Yay!<br /><br />Everything is so new and crazy. Its just all really interesting. I am glad that I got my own place instead of moving out with my sister or waiting till I got engaged or married. Its awesome to come home and do what I want when I want how I want. <br /><br />I have been on the hunt for an accent chair... nothing yet but I am bound and determined... I am also looking for a rug. I found one that I LOVE but its $129 dollars... which isn't a bad price for it but its such a large chunk of change to spend at once...Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-14650721837675387032009-05-14T18:42:00.000-07:002009-05-14T18:52:53.829-07:00Summer GoalSo the beau and I are great. :D He is leaving the day after my bday for NH for 10 weeks :( Some stupid summer thing his family HAS to do. Well he has to because until August he still lives with them. <br /><br />But during these 10 weeks while he is gone I am determined to loose some weight. I mean really determined. I asked my mother to honestly tell me if I have gained weight lately and she said yes.... YES! My mother told me I am fatter! This is upsetting because I have been trying not to eat as much and I have totally cut out alcohol from my diet. I know part of the problem is my job. I use to walk around and lift things and do some physical activity but now I sit at a desk 10 hours a day and thats it... so...<br /><br />My plan is to start running. No seriously.... stop laughing! I mean it!<br /><br />I am going to start slow and work up to as much as I can. I would like to loose between 10-20 lbs by the time beau gets back. <br /><br />Things I am going to do to help:<br /><br />Stop drinking as much pop! ( I am limiting myself to 1 can of pop a day)<br />Stop snacking all the time! <br />Eat Smaller Portions<br />Eat healthier food!<br />No more fast food!<br /><br />with those and running hopefully I can loose some weight! Wish me luck!Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-68698196239546158502009-03-19T19:19:00.000-07:002009-03-19T19:40:35.724-07:00Growing up is hard to do.....So I am happy to say that I have gotten all my finances under control. I am working my way to paying everything off by December so that I can move out by January of 2010. <br /><br />I have a couple of thaaaangs going on right now that I am trying to sort out. I have been offered a temporary co-op for the summer. The problem is that they want me to start now one day a week from 8 am to 5 pm. Problem is that I have a full time job already that I work at, albeit not in graphic design, but one that pays the bills and is permanent. We all know how hard it is to find a job right now. And I know that if I just do the graphic design job that I wouldn't make enough to pay my bills at all, especially not to pay them all off by January. I was going to look for a second job this summer anyway because I want my goal to really come true....<br /><br />mmmkay... now my other situation is that my beau's family is religious. I am not. Only because I have yet to find a religion that has spoken to me. I feel like this could cause problems in the future. I hope not. But it might. <br /><br />Other than those problems I am a pretty happy chick right now. SUPER BUSY! But happy!!!Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-29569602745864649482009-03-03T18:47:00.000-08:002009-03-03T19:04:05.944-08:00Re- planning my ResolutionsOk. Seriously. This is the beginning of my resolutions. I am allowing myself to start over. I feel like I jumped in to fast and didn't really think about what needed to be done and how it was going to be possible for me to do it. But luckily I am a planner so I should be able to figure this all out. Form a plan and get everything I want accomplished.<br /><br />The goals that I NEED to accomplish are:<br /><br />1. Become more organized and clean up after myself.<br />2. Save money- Pay off all debt.<br />3. Exercise: become healthier. <br /><br />I feel like I should list my obstacles so that I know what I am up against:<br /><br />1. Laziness: I work 40 hours a week and go to school full time. I get one solitary day to sleep in and do nothing, so its hard to want to get up early and do stuff like exercise and clean.<br /><br />2. Busy: See above.<br /><br />3: Distractions: boyfriend, homework, internet, tv, sleeping. All of these things come in the way of my goals but some are more of a priority others aren't. Homework comes before everything, then probably boyfriend. Sleep is needed but I usually do that at the appropriate time. The TV and the internet are addicting and so excess able that its hard not to want to sit here all day and Google things because it WAAAY more fun than cleaning or exercising. <br /><br />4. Stores/sales/wants: The money situation is because I have a tendency to make myself believe that I need something even though I really just want it. I need to stop doing this.<br /><br />In the next week I hope to formulate a plan to make sure that all of these things are put in motion to become solved. Hopefully I will do this. Not just for me but for my future.Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-335018855807617742009-02-20T17:39:00.000-08:002009-02-20T17:48:00.000-08:00I want money! Lots and Lots of money!So far my resolutions not going to well.( I bought chinese food for dinner.) I figured after not being able to eat for three days I was entitled to some good yummy food.<br /><br />Although I did pay off an entire bill today from when I was in the hospital. So one down like 5 more others.<br /><br />I am thinking about figuring some system out so that all my bills will be paid off in a year. I am thinking that would take a lot of math and time, so that's not quite done yet.<br /><br />I have made more work for myself buy showing my talent for art at work and now they want me to do stuff for them. (and no I don't get paid separately for it!)<br /><br />Whelp! Imma gonna go watcha movie...Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-30514211790007497022009-02-19T18:17:00.000-08:002009-02-19T18:35:09.808-08:00For the past 2 days I haven't been able to eat anything. My stomach hates me apparently and I honestly don't know what I have done to it to make it act this way. <br /><br />Due to the fact that I am slightly obsessed with House I usually fear that my ailment is something more than what it is (well... that's what my mother says anyway..). I think I have a bleeding ulcer or cancer of the stomach and she thinks that I have heart burn or the stomach flu. <br /><br />I can kind of see stomach flu except no throwing up and the other was is fine to... but I still have the worst pain eating, even breathing kind of hurts. I constantly have a headache and am severely tired. I sometimes feel feverish and other times feel nausea. And NO I AM NOT PREGNANT! It would be immaculate conception if I was, trust me!<br /><br />Other than dying I am actually very very happy. School is coming along. By new beau has really inspired me to do more studying. He brings out the good in me... so far. Not that I am thinking its going to fail I just mean it's been a week... we need time to develop are true thoughts and effects on each other. But he really has made me WANT to do my best and not just get by with my photographic memory. Obviously the beau and I are good. *sigh* I love the start of relationships... everything is so wonderful and new and happy...<br /><br />Work is going well. I am really not looking forward to working 4 10 hour shifts for the rest of my life but what I am thinking is that from 6 am to 7am I will just get stuff ready for my day.. then from 3:30 pm to 4:30 pm I will get my stuff ready to leave. Muahaahaaha then its kind of like an eight hour day. Except the whole waking up at the crack of dawn.<br /><br />But I do want to say that I am going to make a resolution. I need to better myself not only for me for my future... I need to be more organized AND not spend money on things I don't need. <br /><br />So far the next 6 months I will:<br /><br />-pack my lunch<br />-clean my room<br />-purge all clothing I don't wear<br />-NO FAST FOOD!!!<br />-No shopping for the following<br /> ~no skirts<br /> ~no dresses<br /> ~NO SHOES<br /> ~NO PURSES<br /> ( I can buy CHEAP/CLEARANCE deals of nice tops or bottoms for work purposes ONLY!!)<br /><br />Goals: 1. To get into the habit of keeping things clean, always. 2. Save up enough money to pay off debt and move out!Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-55069795928742312742009-02-15T10:43:00.000-08:002009-02-15T10:48:29.961-08:00Valentine's Day isn't so evil...***UPDATE*****UPDATE******UPDATE******<br /><br />So I know like a week ago I was complaining about not having a guy in my life... <br /><br />Well that stops now! I met someone. I like him, he likes me. Its new. I hope it works because even though I am 22 I am getting kind of tired of relationships not working out..<br /><br /><br />Thats all for now...<br /><br />Signing Out...Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-42916101410029487612009-02-11T14:22:00.000-08:002009-02-11T14:37:03.824-08:00Scratch n' Sniff<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGA-G3eliA6gSqray659sEeeVIogI2Bk6sVSKw1N-t1LG6A5iCXl-Jb2dpEJxzlHX8fvipLwVgqaN6wNW4dmMRyU5VRUDA2Cm-1g8toJJ_ePFXUiuYn862mMZdtNBCANvKZqQh/s1600-h/shortcake.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 203px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGA-G3eliA6gSqray659sEeeVIogI2Bk6sVSKw1N-t1LG6A5iCXl-Jb2dpEJxzlHX8fvipLwVgqaN6wNW4dmMRyU5VRUDA2Cm-1g8toJJ_ePFXUiuYn862mMZdtNBCANvKZqQh/s320/shortcake.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5301669401576159586" /></a><br /><br /><br />If I were a Little Debbie I would totally be Strawberry Shortcake. Strawberry Shortcake has three very distinct layers, shortcake, whip cream, strawberry jelly... but it always come wrapped in plastic with a little piece of white board...<br /><br />Don't get it do you? It's ok, I'll break it down for you:<br /><br />Shortcake: Spongy, soft yet protective of its insides, sturdy and resilient. <br /><br />Whip Cream: sweet, creamy, but not to sweet or too creamy... <br /><br />Strawberry Jelly: tart and at times bitter and to much, like a punch in the face of flavor and color...<br /><br />But when mixed together create this well constructed well balanced sweet treat.<br /><br />Plastic Wrapping: Protection from the elements around it. Somewhat oppressive but allows the treat to "live" ( in other words not rot). <br /><br />Little white board: its only companion and simply not strong enough to really hold the roll but it tries to the best it can.<br /><br /><br /><br />See... I'm the roll and my parents are the white board and well the plastic is the what I do to survive and live and the shelteredness that my parents use on me so they have control over me....<br /><br /><br />or? am I reading to much into my strawberry shortcake roll?<br /><br /><br />GULP! Either way its good!Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-64627957154762054912009-02-10T17:14:00.000-08:002009-02-10T17:36:16.509-08:00Attention WhoreLast year at this time I was excitedly making my way to Florida to visit one of my now disposable boyfriends. Its seems like when I look back on all the entries in this blog that I am always talking about a new boy, then talking about breaking up with said boy, then talking about how I will never find someone else, then finding someone else. Well the trend stop here my friend. Everything about the start of my last relationship was the same... great thought I would be with him forever and then we broke up, well I broke up with him... and it was the best decision of my life... I should have done it earlier.<br /><br />The only thing is... I haven't found anyone new. I am usually pretty good at finding someone knew. I have liked guys... openly... got a couple nibbles on my line but then some how they unhook themselves and I am left wadding in the river with nothing but a hook and some worms...<br /><br />I know that the best thing for me would be to concentrate on school and work and really just have "me" time... but lately all I really want is someone to hold me and to kiss me like I was a Big Mac and he hadn't eaten in like 7 days... I was someone to want me so much it hurts... but I want to feel the same way back. I want to have someone to just know what I want. To come up to me and put there hands around me and just not say anything, because I just want them there. I want the warmth of there body near me....<br /><br />I feel like I might have broken my perpetual relationship loop but I still don't feel like I am on the right track... I feel like now I am attaching myself to any guy that pays attention to me and thats not good. <br /><br />Why can't I want to just be friends with a guy with out wanting more? I feel like I am on a slippery slope to desperate-ville and honestly I don't get why. I don't want to get married any time soon. I am very independent. There are so many things that I want to do before I settle down, like:<br /><br />- Go to London<br />- Get MY OWN apartment/place<br />- Get my Masters in GD<br />- Get a job and work my ass off<br />- Move to Chicago<br /><br />I feel like I can't do these things while in a relationship because I would never be focused on the guy OR I would be TOO focused on the guy to do what I want. I know that you can find someone that completes you in so many ways that you make it work with whatever you have to do but I can't seem to find one of those guys. I am to nice of a person to make them change there lives for me I always change my life to accommodate them. <br /><br />Even little things that I do bug the crap out of me (but I still do them!), like:<br /><br />- Sit on my computer all night hoping he will get online.<br />- Carry my phone with my ever where just in case he calls so I won't miss it.<br />- Tell him "Its ok I can come over tonight." Even though I have to study for a test and have to wake up earlier than him.<br />- Intentionally picking things that I know he likes to do but I don't really have any interest in... like poetry. (It's sweet but I think its creepy..honestly, specially when its about you.)<br /><br /><br />I know I am not the average girl. I am rough around the edges but look like a complete angel. I am hard to handle and know what I want. I walk all over guys... I always have to have control of the situation. I always need to know where we are going and how we are going to get there... <br /><br />But I have yet find someone like that. Someone that needs that or wants that... I am tired. I know I am young... but I still need some attention from time to time...Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-38959237177805899062009-01-09T12:25:00.000-08:002009-01-09T12:41:20.033-08:00Married? Really?I have to tell you that I am sitting in my slightly dark room with only the light from my laptop and the slight gloomy light that's trying to make its way through my curtains. <br /><br />Today is the most overwhelmingly emotional day of my life. I have been happy, sad, excited, mournful, nervous, sweet, caring, shocked all in one day.<br /><br />If you go back into my archives of this blog you will find a chapter in my life where I dated someone named Bryon. I loved Bryon more than I had or have to this day ever loved anyone else. But due to rather unexplained circumstances we broke up. My parents didn't approve of Bryon which made things really hard. <br /><br />Looking back now I wish that I would have told my parents to leave me alone. I wish I would have listened to my heard instead of doing what I thought would make them happy.<br /><br />Bryon is married now. See I have been trying to get a hold of Bryon for about a year now. I sent his cousin a message on myspace to see if he would help me and he didn't respond. I search online for any information. But it didn't really lead any where. <br /><br />When we broke up he wasn't in the best position in his life. He lost his job and his apartment. Everything was all over the place. Since I cared about him I was always worried that he wasn't ok. I just wanted to know that he was.<br /><br />So one night not that long ago I posted a random note on a classified website, craigslist.org. I didn't think that anything would come of it to tell you the truth. But I got a reply from a nice guy that just wanted to help but didn't know Bryon. He had some connections that he could use to help me. He got me a phone number and an address but it turned out it was old and the number was disconnected. Then I got another reply from someone saying that he worked in Dayton at a pet store and that he thinks he is married. I was kind of taken aback. But I wanted to find out if was true. The second guy emailed me back telling me which store he worked at.<br /><br />I haven't talked to Bryon in two years and we talked today on the phone for the first time since then. He was at work but did confirm that he was indeed married and he said that he was happy. He asked me for my number so that he could call me back later. I gave it to him but I don't know if he will call me back.<br /><br />It's not like this could really go any where. He is married. I love him. I can't come between a marriage and it would be hard as hell to just be his friend.<br /><br />This sucksJeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-55830680793359878512008-11-25T07:30:00.000-08:002008-11-25T07:46:43.364-08:00Ok so I know its been a few months since I have posted anything but oh well I need to vent...<br /><br />So a few weeks ago I allowed my sister to talk me into quiting my manager position at the little retail pharmacy to come to her huge LTC pharmacy. When I was hired I was told I would be working Friday, Saturdays, Sundays from 7am to 730pm which would have been amazing but the lady made a mistake and the shift was really from 7pm to 730am and since I had already given my two weeks at my current place of employment I decided I would try it since I only have class on tuesdays and thursdays so I should be fine... right?<br /><br />NO! <br /><br />The work itself is menial and laborious ( i am not afraid of labor as long as you feel like your accomplishing something.) and takes no brain activity to do. Unfortunally for me I like using my brain so I get tired and bored....<br /><br />Anyway so I worked my first shift and was completely wiped out... completely... monday I slept all day and couldn't get out of bed to save my life. I had a splitting headache and decided i would just continue to sleep all day...<br /><br />I woke up tuesday in pain and aggony and stayed home all day from school because I couldn't move... I got up on wednesday and went to the doctor because I was really feeling terrible and they sent me to the emergency room to get a lumbar puncture because they thought that I had spiral menigitis. I didn't have it but I had some viral something that made me so sick that I had to stay home from work and school till the following tuesday. <br /><br />I have recently talked to my employer about switching my schedual to days and they said no so I have to find a new job in the next week and a half... <br /><br />I am feeling really screwed... I should have just stayed at The pharmacy. I know that i would of had to leave there eventually but I kind of had it made in the shade. I liked what I did and it wasn't as stressful as this... <br /><br />The only problem with that place was that I didn't get paid enough... at all. but now i am probably going to have to settle for a job at McDonalds so that I can make some kind of income...<br />________________________<br /><br />In other news... <br /><br />I woke up this morning feeling like I had drunk myself under the table, which i hadn't. My head is pounding... my stomach is sooooooo upset... ugh. I don't know.<br /><br />I am at school right now waiting to find out if I have this portfolio things due today. If not I am leaving and going home to sleep. I really need to go apply for jobs but i am so freaking tired I can barely keep my eyes open.Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-75704040273960085862008-06-21T12:45:00.000-07:002008-06-21T12:49:49.295-07:00Stewie....Oh Stewie Stewie Stewie..<br /><br /><br />The dog is insane. So far he has tried to kill himself twice and ran away once. And now he refuses to take a crap because we've been home so he can't poop in the living room like he wants to... so far its been 36 hours and counting.<br /><br />As for the suicidal acts the first time he was tide up on his lead outside and kept jumping up and down threw the slats in the porch and ended up almost hanging himself. So we moved the lead to the other side where he then proceeded to run as fast as he could over over almost snapping his neck. <br /><br />He has to be the weirdest dog I have ever owned.Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-15775017852791460812008-06-08T19:43:00.000-07:002008-06-08T19:52:53.762-07:00Long Time No TalkI know that I have been gone for about forever but I am feeling a little bloggey so I decided what the hell... for old times sake I'll write a post.<br /><br /><br />So my life is as boring as it has ever been. <br /><br />Yes I am still in college and I doubt that I will ever graduate although I am hoping (hoping!) that I will in a year. <br /><br />I have a boyfriend who is great.<br /><br />I have a new dog who is psycho. Literally. The other day he tried to kill himself. Yeah I don't know.<br /><br />So I have been promoted at the job that I have had for almost 4 years now. I am considered a manager I think. hee hee!<br /><br />I need a new wholesaler if anyone is interested let me know.<br /><br />I need a couch. I moved. I have no couch. Its hard to watch tv on the floor.<br /><br />I found the perfect couch today at design within reach warehouse but it was $1500 dollars and yeah... no.<br /><br />I am addicted to Republic of Tea Super fruit Pomegranate Green Tea. Its simply amazing. And only for a limited time! Bullshit I tell you!<br /><br />I am thinking about moving to Chicago. After I graduate. I decided why the hell not. It will only help me I think. It will be hard and I will cry but I will feel so much better once I've made it. I think.<br /><br />I hope. <br /><br />That's all.Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-46345174030069786602007-12-03T20:54:00.000-08:002007-12-03T20:57:07.392-08:00Fuck me like you hate me...So i feel real sick...<br /><br /><br />uuuuuuughhmmmmmm<br /><br /><br />Seriously i might throw up...<br /><br /><br />dude.... uuuuuughh....<br /><br />I hate school. real bad right now. this. sucks. <br /><br />So I am at school right now trying desperately to finish my screenprinting project thats due thursday and I feel like this is never going to end... its disgusting how behind I am .... <br /><br /><br />What is wrong with me this semester? <br /><br />FUUUUUUUCKK!!Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-91492387358448067852007-11-27T09:14:00.000-08:002007-11-27T09:21:51.572-08:00...Yes it goes on and on my friends....It's like the bad dream that will never end. It's like he knows when to go to the cafateria when I am on break. The bad part is the fact that I care. I am so frustrated with the situation between us that I might throw up on myself. Today is worse than others because I have had no sleep in the last 40 hours and my emotional grip is slipping. I need to find strength in something because it's really bothering me. I want to have that closure type talk with him because I have so much pint up frustration and anger and sadness that I feel like if I don't do something about it I will always feel this way and that is not something I am willing to do. <br /><br />My eyes hurt. I miss his touch and the warmth of him body next to me. Is that bad now?<br /><br />---------------------------------<br /><br />Although this is all going on work isn't getting much better. <br /><br />--------<br /><br />I just found out that I have to hand in a 3 page paper tomorrow at 6. Fantastic!<br /><br />I will continue this depressing post later....Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-66790510888599388082007-11-15T11:20:00.000-08:002007-11-15T11:40:09.348-08:00I can fake it with the best of them allI know that I haven't posted in a while but honestly there wasn't much to post. But lately I have felt like I have had a lot on my mind and that I need to vent somewhere.<br /><br />So it finally happened. I ran into boy today at school I have been dreading it happening since we broke up. It was a good thing that SHE wasn't with or it would have been way worse. Katie said that I handled the situation well. So have my sister and Tony. I wish that I could have punched him in the face but I guess it was best that I didn't... I do feel that he should learn something out of this. Maybe that the world doesn't revolve around him. He can be so selfish at times and I think that he really needs to grow up. After high school things change. It's not all black and white anymore. People have relationships with no title because that's what works and if you are that insecure that you have to have the title as boyfriend and girlfriend then you really aren't mature enough to know how a relationship works in the first place. I love how people think it's that easy. That you can just say "hey your my girlfriend" and live happily ever after. I feel like there needs to be steps up to that point. You get to know each other, become friends, date, and then maybe for some kind of commitment after you feel like you can trust this person and that you are a good fit. I don't understand why everyone is jumping into marriage so early. Thinking that 6 months to a year is sufficant amount of time to get to know each other for life. I know I have trust issues but some of these are just 18-22 years olds that haven't even experienced things in life and are giving potential futures to get married and pop out kids. I really hate it. <br /><br />My friend Lindz is like my best friend except that lately I feel very detached from her. I know that she is busy since she has 2 jobs. But I feel like she is either A.) Purposely hanging out with David and Richard so she doesn't have to hang out with me, B.) is mad at me for something, or C.) is cheating on Alex with David. And not telling me about it. <br /><br />It's just that she is always along with David all of the time. Its really weird. And there phone conversations are strange too. It's like she tries to hard to hide that they might be doing something. I am not sure what to do in this situation so I just haven't been calling her as much and blowing everything off. She did call me the other day to do something so we went to best buy but it was weird. I asked her about Alex and she was like "I don't really talk to him that much anymore" which is odd since he is her boyfriend. But anyway, she kept talking about David, which is whatever and we had fun like we always do.... but this friday there is a concert at bogarts for The Rocket Summer and its her favorite band so I told her about it yesterday when I found out and she was stoked but I was at work so I couldn't talk very long. I tried to call he later, twice, and she didn't answer or call me back. So today I called her to tell her about the boy thing but I never got to it. She said that she would call me back later but I highly doubt that she will. I might be over analyzing it but it does bother me. <br /><br />Over all though life is ok. School is almost over. I am so ready. I got contacts which makes me feel more attractive. I am working on getting either a new job or a second one for extra money. My schedual next smester is insane. Maybe everything will turn out for the best. I hope so.Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-11363370064096366322007-10-15T14:21:00.000-07:002007-10-15T14:26:30.099-07:00HUGE project due Thursday. This project is so big that I am spending the night at my friends house 2 nights in a row like 3 days before its due!<br /><br />Hopefully we actually get some work done.<br /><br />We will probably end up talking about our life "problems", drink, smoke, and sleep. Ahhh sounds amazing.<br /><br />We have a problem actually getting thing finished ahead of time. It's what we do!<br /><br />------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />In more serious news...<br /><br />I am tense. Frustrated. Ok I'm not gonna lie. I am a lil pissed. <br /><br />But I guess it's because I care. <br /><br />We will see.Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-83593994175931382022007-10-11T12:16:00.000-07:002007-10-11T12:19:45.703-07:00I'll take the truth at any costThe stuff that has happened in the last 24 hours has been so all over the place.<br /><br />First happiness, then despair. <br /><br />Happiness from a surprise. Someone who has always been my friend, but always so much more. <br /><br />Despair from the ex. <br /><br />2 hours of sleep. I don't even know how to handle this situation. What should I do?Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-70107932993567009372007-10-07T18:17:00.000-07:002007-10-07T18:34:01.593-07:00Taking Chances...What I have been feeling this past week is just a huge range of emotions. I feel like I am sitting on a fence about some of them. I really need to put some of my feelings into perspective just so that I can move on. I just don't know how to go about that. I like feel happy and have been doing something lately that I normally wouldn't due. I am proud of myself for that. I just don't understand why I keep getting tested on somethings.<br /><br />I want some resolution in my life.<br /><br />I really hate being single. Its so hard. I hate that I feel like I need someone to be there but I do.Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-70375294624288948832007-10-05T06:44:00.000-07:002007-10-05T07:04:49.820-07:00Are You Happy Now?<span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Yesterday on my way home from school I was listening to 94.9 the sound and they played Michelle Branch's "Are You Happy Now?". At this "time" in my life I feel that this song represents what I am going through:</span><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:Verdana;font-size:180%;" ><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"> <span style="font-size:100%;"><b style="font-family: georgia;">"Are You Happy Now?"</b><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Now, don’t just walk away</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Pretending everything’s ok</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">And you don’t care about me</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">And I know there’s just no use</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">When all your lies become your truths and I don’t care... yeah, yeah, yeah</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Could you look me in the eye</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">And tell me that you’re happy now, ohhh, ohhh</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Are you happy now?</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Are you happy now?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">You took all there was to take,</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">And left me with an empty plate</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">And you don’t care about it, yeah.</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">And I am givin' up this game</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">I’m leaving you with all the blame cause I don’t care, yeah, yeah yeah,</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Could you look me in the eye?</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">And tell me that you’re happy now, oohh oohhh</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Are you happy now?</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Are you happy now? yeah, yeah, yeah.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Do you really have everything you want?</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">You can't ever give somethin' you ain't got</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">You can’t run away from yourself</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Could you look me in the eye?</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">and tell me that you're happy now, yeah, yeah</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">come on, tell it to my face or have i been replaced,</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">are you happy now?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Would you look me in the eye?</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Could you look me in the eye?</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">I’ve had all that I can take</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm not about to break</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Cause I’m happy now, ohhh, ohhh</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">Are you happy now?</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;">I just can't wait to get to the point where I can say "Cause I'm Happy Now!" I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with it, how I was going to react but I have to say that this is a little different than normal. I am protecting myself a lot. I know what I need to do so nothing makes it worse basically. And honestly thats way way better than what I would normally do.</span></span><br /></span></span>Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-70769017539492051272007-10-03T14:45:00.000-07:002007-10-03T14:53:04.463-07:00Ignorance is Bliss, cherish it!So I found out some news that I honestly didn't want to know at all. Life would have been so much better if I just could walk through life right now ignorant of what is going on.<br /><br />The boy that I was dating is now dating the girl I refused to be friends with.<br /><br />Yeah. Life is funny like that I guess.<br /><br />All I have to say is Karma is a bitch. And it usually comes back 10 fold.<br /><br />I'm just sayin'Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-30400681400526999162007-09-24T19:54:00.000-07:002007-09-24T20:15:33.153-07:00Semi mid life crisisI am so overwhelmed right now that I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to sleep and watch TV. I am so frustrated!!!!!!<br /><br />There are so many things that are bothering me. Between family life, work, and school. I just want to fall over. And as for my personal life. It's just not existent. I know that I just got out of a relationship and that I should probably not start anything serious but I really just want to flirt with a guy. I want some attention.<br /><br />As for the whole Kevin thing..... I don't even know what to say except First time shame on him, Second time shame on me. I should of know. I want to believe that people change and become better people but sometimes they don't. I can't do anything about that. I am starting to worry though. The older that I get it seems the less guys seem to be attracted or where we are in a position to get to know each other good enough to start to like each other. Like at school I am basically in classes with all different people all day. I know some of them but not outside of school. The ones that I do know have significant others. <br /><br />ugh!!!!!!!!!Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-41583711845798353492007-09-22T19:55:00.000-07:002007-09-22T19:59:36.907-07:00And I can't talk about it....So as for Boy and I ... he doesn't exist to me. That's the way it has to be so that I can feel good and become the person I want to become. Thats it the end of that subject!<br /><br />Update****<br /><br />School: Hard. Lots of homework. I love it!<br /><br />Work: Sucks. Looking for a new job. Have an interview monday!!!!Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7566112.post-17461653382091910772007-09-16T12:02:00.000-07:002007-09-16T12:34:32.392-07:00You'd probably move right through me... on my way to you...So... Boy and I were suppose to go to school on Sunday to do homework, but he canceled on me because he had to much homework to do. Is anyone else confused by that?<br /><br />So I got pissed and didn't call him back. I went out with Lindsey and we were doing something. I asked her if she would go with me on Sunday (today) to Boy's concert. She said yes of course but to see what time they were playing to make sure we could make it. So I called Kevin and asked him and he wasn't sure. We ended up having a long conversations, ending up with us making plans to go to lunch the next day.<br /><br />I was so scared because I didn't know if I could handle it. I was so emotional with him whenever we just talked on the phone. I hadn't seen him in over a month and had basically just came to terms with the fact that I need him.<br /><br />My friend Katie told me," Know what you want to say and do not cry." I felt that she was right. When I first saw him walking toward me I could feel the tears welling up. I knew that I had to be strong. I didn't talk much at first because I all could think about was us and wanting to be with him. When I did talk to him about I tried to pick my words very carefully and I was holding back tears. But eventually they just started streaming down my face. I couldn't stop them, it was so hard. In the end, the conversation was a mess but it seemed that he honestly doesn't know what he wants.<br /><br />I told him that I would go to his show on Sunday. He called me yesterday and left a weird message on my phone. He was all upset and cussing. He was like " I am so over this, I don't even fucking care, NOT YOU, with Justin and the band, uh never mind I'll just talk to you later" So I called him back to see what the problem was. He said that the show was still on and that he wanted to see me there. He was really upset and pissed. He exploded about that whole situation to me. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. But honestly I think I handled well and in the best was possible. He called me later to tell me that the concert was off, that he was fed up wit the band and that he doesn't even think that he was going to band practice.<br /><br />I was disappointed because I really wanted to go. I looked on line and it still says that they are playing there. So I am confused. Like I doubt that Boy would lie and cause all of that drama for nothing. But why haven't they let anyone else know that the show is canceled? Maybe I am over thinking the whole thing. I am not sure. I hope so...Jeaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12656605336386276047noreply@blogger.com1